One Size May Not Fit All, but….
While one size may not fit all, all sizes may be made of the same fabric. The preceding statement is as true of spanking as it is of clothing.
Another analogy to spanking relates to the common kitchen stove - where the same heating element can serve a variety of purposes. For example, depending on where the control knob is set, it can boil water or simmer soup.
Although the basics may look the same, all spanking was not created equal. Hence, the following discussion is intended to shed some light on the topic.
It is not that any of the following categories should be considered as set in ideological concrete or etched into sacrosanct stone. Rather they should serve as guides to understanding.
In practice, the attitude of the participants has as much to do with the categorization as anything else.
The most superficial spanking may mere be a mere playful slap on the seat of a dress or pants. It may extend into those activities that used to be called a *birthday spankings*.
Although lost with the passage of time, *birthday spankings* are simply the surviving remnants of ancient fertility rituals. When carried a little further - especially when accompanied by the removal of clothing - they can become quite erotic. Then, that was their intended purpose!
Erotic spankings usually administered by the hand to the bared buttocks. Voluntary nudity and enthusiastic submission are not uncommon.
These episodes are more about play than about pain. Still, in the scheme of things, they serve a useful purpose because vaginal lubrication signals the first stage of female submission to male prerogatives. That is why it is often the gateway to discovering the virtues of *domestic discipline*.
With an increase in intensity and duration, spanking moves into the *proper* range. At this level, tears are common and, depending on the degree of pent-up emotion or frustration, real crying is likewise possible.
Typically, *proper* spankings sting during the application, but the sensation quickly fades after the administration stops. It is probably the most familiar type. These are the common and sometimes embarrassing panties-down, over-the-knee, red-bottom and red-faced spankings of folklore.
*Proper* spankings are valuable because, especially early in the marriage, the woman begins incorporating the *lesson* as a guild to her future behavior. That is why they are often considered to be useful for *maintenance spankings*.
At the same time, effect of a *proper* spankings is often limited to the potential for embarrassment. Thus, *bare bottom corner time* sometimes follows the administration.
Beyond the *proper* range, are more serious spankings. Sometimes these are called *warnings* because they almost always will involve the use of an implement. In addition to tears and crying, these are virtually guaranteed to produce involuntary verbalizations because they really *hurt* more than they are embarrassing..
Visually, they may be distinguished by intense redness as well as a * hot orange peel feel* associated with being *really spanked* to the offended area. Following an initial administration, it is not uncommon for a woman to *examine herself* in a mirror in order to triangulate *how it looks back there* with how her brain feels, and how it felt *getting it*.
When carried further, the result is punishment. These are the *don't you ever do that again* spankings! They usually leave lingering *marks* on the buttocks as well as *talk* to the mind in a way that few things are able to do with equal vigor.
Rarely used in most marriages, they are also known as *the licking of my life*, *an old-fashioned whipping*, or similar vivid descriptions. They are - and are intended to be - highly memorable.
At the extremis, there is abuse. Although it may have the outward appearance of other spankings of similar intensity to punishment, there is one important difference in that they are all about inflicting pain. They are power trips and have no place in *domestic discipline*.
As noted above, while there are no fixed boundaries between the above divisions, they serve as a reminder that, despite politically correct propaganda, there are *shades of gray* between erotic spanking and abuse.
Not all spankings are created equal. Nor, should they be in the complexities of human interaction.
At the same time, one person's serious spanking can be another's punishment - or, vice versa. Still, most women actually prefer to be spanked harder than men often realize. It is not the spanking they crave so much as the release they experience. That said, the above categories can serve as a useful guide.
Hello noone,
Respectfully, it seems as though you are an expert on the topic of spanking and it's intensity?
For someone just starting out or contemplating this type of relationship, how light or severe would you recommend the initial punishments be, and still get the point across?
Yes, I realize it depends on the behavior that causes the punishment. In my case, the of being spanked at all terrifies me. There was a time in my marriage when all my husband had to say "do you need a spanking", and I would come back to reality, of course after threatening him with bodily harm if he ever tried, knowing that I probably wouldn't have retaliated. Now, the threats are only empty threats, he never followed through. So no when he says he is going to spank me, I laugh and walk away. Terrible I know-I'm trying to change.
Back to the question: how intense should the spanking be, so the cdd relationship does end before it gets started?
Are wives that are new to CDD spanked frequently in the beginning of the relationship? Especially, for couples that have been married for years, with a lot of baggage built up? I have tried hard becoming submissive on my own without telling my husband what I am doing, it is hard and I need help. Thank you for your insight and advice. jd
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I don't think you need to worry about intensity at this point. Your husband doesn't sound like he would want to hurt you. Most husbands err on the side of caution anyway.
I think your real issue is how to get him to start. Don't be afraid of a spanking-- the pain is temporary, but the positive effect is long-lasting. It's worth getting him to try, at least. The idea is at least in his mind-- what you need to do is get him past the threat stage.
Next time he threatens a spanking, don't walk away. Stay in range. Encourage him. If he says, "Do you need a spanking?" look him in the eye and say, "You keep asking that! Haven't you figured it out yet?" If he's secure enough and likes a good challenge, you might try "No, I need a man to give me one!" A comment like "I'm going to spank you," should be followed up with something like, "I double-dog dare you!" "I'd like to see you try!" or "Promises, promises!" It might take multiple episodes to get him past the threat habit, but keep trying.
As to your frequency question. I don't know what the "average" is, but I doubt that most guys would start out with frequent spankings. He'll probably feel bad after the first one, thinking he lost his temper and let you provoke him. What you need to do is be sure your response is clearly positive...which shouldn't be hard. Here's my experience: after almost 17 years of marriage, thinking there was something wrong with me because I had never had much of a libido, I experienced a bit of "shock and awe" when my husband (finally) took over: I went from grudgingly putting up with the physical relations stuff once a month to approaching him for intimacy multiple times a day. The respect and submission came much easier too.
If you do get him started, let him worry about how intense the spanking should be. My guess is it will take him a while to get to a satisfactory level anyway.
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Hi Jamie,
First, I want to thank you for your informative advice. Secondly, you are absolutely right, when you said "it doesn't sound like he would want to hurt you". He is a good man with a lot of patience, I shouldn't be afraid of him hurting me. I've truly been blessed with his presence. Like you said, I need to encourage him to follow through with his threats. I'm afraid that the years of giving him the evil eye, and the "you better never try" comments, may have ruined any chance of him going through with it on his own. But for the life of me, I can't come straight out and ask the man to spank me after all that, at least not yet. Heck, I'm not totally sure that spanking is what I want, more less what I need.. I just want him to stand up to me, make me accountable for what I have been and are still doing to our relationship. I've been e-mailing him articles about this topic for a short time now, hopefully, he'll get the hint.
He did tell me monday, that I had to have the dog shaved by friday or "else", wished that I had your advice then. Anyway, maybe I won't shave the dog by friday, and see what happens. If that doesn't work, I know the comment "No, I need a man to give me one", will definately do the trick! lol. He is a 6'2, 210 lbs. man that doesn't take masculinity jokes well, lol.
If it does happen, I'll make a conscious effort not respond negatively. I hope I'm strong enough! I'm a very emotional and strong willed person with a temper to boot. Wish me luck!
This is partly why I have chosen to give cdd lifestyle a try. I love my husband dearly, but don't have a lot of respect(which he deserves) for him. He has allowed me(I bullied him into it)to take charge of our relationship, and then our family for too long(you would have to have read about my past, to understand why I am like this).
Now, I can see the effects of it; especially with our children, they too are starting to treat their dad the same way. What an eye opener for me! That's when I decided to pray and asked for guidance, now here I am. Anyway, probably more info than you cared to know, sorry. It feels good to talk to someone about it.
I do have a question for you Jamie: You mentioned an experience of yours, about how your husband finally took over and it made a huge difference in your life. When you say took over, what exactly did he do to take over? Did it involve spanking? If so, was the respect and submission a result of it? If you don't mind me asking, if so, I understand totally.
Oops, running out of space, will finish up on new reply-thanks
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continuation of the above message.
The reason I'm asking, I too have noticed some changes in that area of my life since I've started becoming more submissive to my husband. However, I have also noticed that he isn't as responsive know that he doesn't have to beg and plead. From your experience, does it sound like I need to get deeper into this submissive and respect state, before I see changes in him? Once again, for years he had to deal with some harmful residual feelings I carried over from my childhood. So I can't expect him to change over night.
Thank you so much, I sure appreciate your comments and advice, this journey can be little lonely at times. Humbled, dj
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Hi dj, I am so totally with you! Of course there are things about my situation that are different, but so much of what you said is the cry of my heart. I have wanted spanking like this for years and years and felt guilty and like I was twisted! And yet, like you said, it's pretty scary to give up control like that! I don't think you are gonna have a hard time getting your husband convinced. From what you've said, I really think one teasing comment will do it since he has threatened numerous times to do it! My husband has never even thought of it- is appalled at the thought. And I'm going through my days crying inside- I wish you'd spank me and yet being terrified that if he does I'l get angry or will panic from the pain! Lol! You are not alone!!
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Yeah, I got the spanking-- though when I first discovered cdd it took him forever to clue in to what I wanted, cause I couldn't just come out and ask for it either!
As for intimacy, he's never been the beg-and-plead type... in the past, if I was "too tired," he just went without. Now I'm afraid I'll wear him out! Sometimes he's "too tired" now. But not nearly as often as I used to be. Sometimes I think he wonders if I'm really sincere, or maybe that he still has some anger from the (many) times his advances were rejected in the past-- maybe it hurts that I expect him to be ready any time I want intimacy, even though it wasn't so long ago that his feelings didn't seem to matter. Whatever the issue, I think time and consistency in true submission will go a long way toward healing that wound.
My initial feelings of deeper respect and submission were more a reaction to his words for me: he started taking more of an interest in what I was doing; for example, I often indulge in a certain food even though I am allergic to it. He told me to stop. Just his telling me that, making it a command, made it so easy for me! Unfortunately, it's kind of been two steps forward, one step back; I've been sneaking the stuff lately and he hasn't seemed to notice-- not a good indication of true submission, I know.
He did give me a talking to and a spanking a couple of months ago, regarding my attitude and some comments I had made. Believe me, I'm no masochist, but I wish he'd spank a little more often! Like you said though, you can't expect a change overnight. Baby steps! But just knowing that he's capable of taking the reins has improved my happiness 1000%.
Hope that helps!
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