Names in the following have been changed to protect the guilty.

Although Professor Sly O. Hand railed against spanking, he *hit* his own children when politically correct *alternatives* proved ineffective. Nevertheless, in searching for data to fit his agenda, he used a sampling of unwed teenage mothers in an attempt to show that the more *all* parents spanked the worse their children behave.

When mature parents finally realized all the good professor had discovered was that well behaved children do not need to be spanked, he unearthed yet another shocking realization - inappropriate behavior among college students tends to cluster. Ignoring the effects of alcohol consumption on the undeveloped brains of youth, Professor Hand constructed another statistical analysis. This time, he claimed that young people spanking each other caused immature youths to engage in unsafe sex and other risky behaviors. This time, it did not take long before even college freshman began wondering what Professor Hand had been drinking!

On the other side of town, Psychiatrist Cheatham Goode was engaged in a thriving business. Among his most prized lessons acquired, as he earned the many diplomas that hung on his wall, was that his clients must never learn that they might solve their own problems without professional guidance. He made a fortune by sharing half a fortune to secure referrals from physicians at the country club.

Unknown to Dr. Goode, one of his new patients played golf with his wife. One day, as Mrs. Goode was about to tee off, Mrs. Doun asked if her husband's counseling her helped explain why she was always so chipper. Without breaking her swing or realizing that she was talking to one of her husband's patients, Mrs. Goode sprightly replied, "Oh, Darlinks, the only counseling I get is over his knee!"

On her next visit, Mrs. Doun asked Dr. Goode what he thought would happen if her husband were to spank her. In keeping with his professional facade, Dr. Goode assured Mrs. Doun that her *case of the blues* would only get worse. He went so far as to cite studies supposedly *proving* that spanking causes depression.

Intrigued by the contradiction, Mrs. Doun asked Dr. Goode if he had ever considered spanking his wife. When the psychiatrist denied that he would ever lay a hand on her, Mrs. Doun plotted her revenge.

On her way out through the crowed waiting room, Mrs. Doun announced that Dr. Goode spanks his wife to cure her blues - that she was going home to tell her husband - and that if the rest of the woman had half a brain, they would do the same thing!

Although it took Dr. Goode quite some time to figure out where Mrs. Doun got her information, she was persona non grata in his office from then on!

Sadly, Dr. Goode and Professor Hand represent a profitable and protected industry that thrives on making people dependent on the Big Es of *experts*, *education*, and *elitism*. The result is a nation unable to think for itself and is dependent on the Big Es. For the Big Es, life as been the Big Easy in accumulated wealth and pervasive influence.

Consequently, we have also become a nation of Big Ds - *dissatisfaction*, *disposability*, and *dependent*. Gone are the days in which couples were expected to workout their differences and raise children fit to live with. They are gone because there is too much money to be made from *alternatives* such as divorce and counseling!

Because partners going their separate ways need two of everything, divorce is so profitable that entrepreneurs are holding *divorce fairs* - even advertising that: "If you manage to separate amicably, your divorce day could also be the best day of your life."

It matters little that such attitudes make a mockery of the sanctity of marriage. The service providers love their money - even if the love thereof is the root of all evil.

The list of potential services includes lawyers, investigators, mediators, paternity verifiers, dating services, psychiatrists, child counselors, realtors, retailers of furniture and appliances, and bankers hawking credit card applications to finance the big split. All can be highly profitable to currently well-positioned third party providers.

Despite the advent of no-fault divorce - yet another product of godless communism - disposing of a marriage is not as easy as carrying out the trash. As with abortion - which is increasingly being linked to mental illness - there are long-reaching and deleterious consequences to divorce.

For one thing, no-fault divorce suffers from the same intergenerational problems as institutionalized welfare. Not surprisingly, children of divorced parents are more likely to get divorced than children raised in more stable homes.

Having no models within the family after which to pattern their lives. So far, and counting, *irreconcilable differences* have become a convenient excuse for at least three generations of Americans to rip a marriage license, forget vows, and discard wedding rings.

Not only are children of divorce are more likely to divorce, children raised in single parent families headed by women are several times more likely to engage in those risky behaviors that Professor Hand finds so convenient in his *war on spanking*.

Yet, times are changing. One woman said that she got the shock of her life when her remarried but otherwise thoroughly liberal mother told her future son-in-law that he had her permission to spank her daughter the first time his bride used the d-word!

Even liberals are starting to realize the downside of divorce. Although the above entrepreneurial spirit increases the Gross Domestic Product (GDP), the cumulative effects diminish the quality of life in much the same way as a giant oil spill - which, likewise, creates more jobs for people and helps to raise spreadsheet productivity.

In addition to the social fallout caused by divorce and the proliferation of single lifestyles - common in children of divorce - useless multiple families leave a much larger *carbon footprint* than that left by married couples. Thus, praises of marriage may become intertwined with *save the planet* ideology.

Moreover, governments are quickly realizing that, not only do they no longer have the financial resources to investigate every little complaint of *domestic violence* - especially if it *draws no blood, breaks no bones, or leaves no scars* - they can no longer afford to play big brother to emotional and verbal abuse protagonists in domestic soap operas.

Likewise, after three generations, divorce with children has taken a heavy toll on public education. Little Johnny cannot read; Little Mary is unable to figure out the price of seven apples if three apples cost fifteen cents. In the grocery store, her mother - also a product of divorce and public education - is equally lost.

Still another product of widespread single parenting and *sex education* at taxpayer expense is one in four - twenty-five percent of - teenage girls in the United States infected with a sexually transmitted disease! The cost of testing for potentially deadly sexually transmitted diseases is cutting into more genuine healthcare needs.

As the list of disasters grows, dependency on the Dr. Goodes and Professor Hands of this world will diminish. Sooner or later, most people will figure out that the *professional experts* of this world are in it for themselves.

Increasingly, men and women will discover that, not only do they need each other, but also that they can workout their problems when forced by circumstances to do so. One way or another, the *dependency nation* will cease to exercise their undue influence - that often amounts to little more than politically correct propaganda - as all-knowing, all-wise *experts* providing profit-driven media with *news on the cheap*.