More Thoughts on Spanking
Experienced husbands know that women usually come with into a marriage with more than adequate psychological defenses. Some are quite good at avoiding being spanked.
Other women are thoroughly adept at *hijacking a spanking* and turning the tables on their husbands. Examples of this accusatory style can often be found in debate-oriented *domestic discipline* forums.
One simple method of preventing the latter is, initially at least, to paddle a little harder and a lot faster than they might think necessary. For example, a typical male technique might be to spank at a rate of about one smack every five seconds on alternating cheeks to let the effect *sink in*.
For a thoroughly wound up woman, this may give her enough time to regain her wits and tell her husband a thing or two. Hence, a more effective strategy is to randomly paddle - left, right, and center - two or three times per second with something that really stings.
While rapid moderate paddling does no real damage, it does get a woman's attention from the start. As women who have experienced this method acknowledge, the paddles does the *talking* and their brain does the listening! There is simply not enough recovery time for her to get a word in edgewise.
Once the authority of the husband has been established, it is important to fill the woman's mind with what she needs to hear. Putdowns must be avoided. This is not about winning or losing. Rather it is about straightening out the marriage.
The effect of a paddling on a woman's mind is not that different from that described in Luke 11:24-26. While a paddling cleans a woman's mind, it does not fill it with anything. That is why what a husband says to his wife during this time of vulnerability is so important.
He must neither leave her mind an empty vessel nor fill it with more garbage. To do so is to destroy the woman. This is how evil men create prostitutes.
When the wife is vulnerable, her husband's words must be positive. Although considered trite by feminists, there is nothing wrong with telling a wife that she is loved.
Likewise, any expectations for future behavior should be presented in a constructive manner. The paddling already says that there is a problem. Beyond an initial lecture, there is no reason to dwell on the point.
Sometimes young husbands have great difficulty in understanding that women need to cry. In this regard, the sting from a spanking offers a convenient excuse.
Because some women fear being seen *at the worst possible moment*, they are reluctant to cry. Beyond coming to an understanding that the woman is expected to cry, a convenient remedy is to administer stinging spanks to the back of the upper back of the thigh just below the crease since this area is impossible to *tighten* and is quite tender.
Since spanking makes women submissive, it is common for women to receive their husbands afterwards in an act of contrition and reconciliation. Although not an absolute necessity by any means, informal surveys have estimated that three-quarters of couples make love after a spanking.
excuse me sir, but I do have some questions...
what would happen, if a woman, usually committed to her husband and either to cdd, would run away from her hoh, when he decides to give her a spanking?
like if she would run away, telling him names and stuff and tries to hide herself or lock herself in a room (-just being really mad...)?
2nd: what happens when a woman has her cycle period, but a spanking is needed?
3rd: I didn´t get how long a spanking actually is going (minutes/swats)
4th: did God himself told you to spank or is it "just" scriptural?
respectfully, k
Reply to this
K
Two questions comes to mind:
1) Do you accept a spanking when needed?
2) Do you give a spanking when needed?
Then you would know. Spanking is not to humiliate. It can be erotic or to discipline when needed. For the latter you do not have time constraints or count - you'll know when to stop administering
D
Reply to this
For answers to your questions, please consider the following reponses.
First, many years ago I asked my wife a similar question - why is it that women do not run from an impending spanking. Her reply was immediate and straight forward - "Because a man is going to take charge!"
So far as I can tell, you are describing what is statistically known as an outlier or extreme. Were my wife to run, all I would do would be to wait. Most of the time, all women need is time to *get their ducks in a row*. In this regard, men usually get into difficulty when they become impatient.
Several decades ago, my wife was quite late getting home. When I asked her where she had been, she replied that she had been getting things straight in her mind. Then she added, "I know I've got a spanking coming and I finally decided to come home and get it over with."
The truth is that most wives in successful *domestic discipline* relationships are on a very long leash. The chains that bind are in the heart.
Second, there are three methods of handing the attendant difficulties.
One would be to wait three days until the flow subsides.
Two would be to use what mothers and daughters used to know as a "wedgie" - that is bunching the seat of the underwear into the crack between the cheeks so that the requisite protection stays in place, but the buttocks are bare.
Three would be to use a stinging implement such as a switch, rather than an implement that might cause excessive jarring. The same remedy has been successfully used during pregnancy.
Third, the notion of counting time or swats seems largely twentieth century phenomena. More than likely the concepts are byproducts originating with the childcare writings of John Watson, the management theories of Frederick Taylor, and the clockwatching of Frank and Lillian Gilbreth.
Either limitation makes about as much sense as counting the number of words that can be used in or timing an important discussion. The principal difficulty with either approach is that it encourages *enduring* or *outlasting* the disciplining rather than incorporating it as a guide for future behavior or the dumping of emotional baggage.
When one realizes that spanking is about a woman 's mind, then concepts of time and swats become irrelevant - even to the point of being counterproductive.
Fourth, the question seems to be a desperate attempt to put God in a convenient box by limiting Him only to prescriptive law or communication. In reality, God spoke quite eloquently when he created man and woman - giving each their respective characteristics.
While many people recognize William Cowper's opening lines:
"God moves in mysterious ways,
His wonders to perform"
few know the closing:
"Blind unbelief is sure to err
"And scan His work in vain;
"God is His own interpreter,
"And He will make it plain."
Be not deceived: "God is His own interpreter; He will make it plain." Nor will God be mocked with feminist sophistry!
The writer of Proverb 30:18-19 observed:
"There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a maiden."
Curiously, "the way of a man with a maiden" is not always of man's initiating. As I have pointed out on numerous previous occasions, my wife of over four decades would not have married me had I not soundly spanked her.
My future wife spent years praying for a man able to handle her. She was so determined in this regard that she would not even let me kiss her until she was sure I was the one!
While not totally naïve when we met, my wife taught me most of what I know about spanking. She understood the importance of men decisively *taking charge* to insure domestic tranquility.
Reply to this
I really enjoy your articles; they are insightful and articulate. You mentioned
"Because some women fear being seen *at the worst possible moment*, they are reluctant to cry." I believe what you are describing is the emotional wall of protection women have, and the fear of becoming completely vulnerable. It is not necessarily because you don't love and trust your husband, and neither is it a conscious decision to withhold emotionally, but it is still very difficult to break through that fear and allow yourself to release emotionally. Although the sting of spanking helps, sometimes it takes more than the physical pain, as I'm sure you are aware, to reach a point where you can cry. You also wrote about the importance of the words a husband speaks during those crucial moments of discipline. "While a paddling cleans a woman's mind, it does not fill it with anything. That is why what a husband says to his wife during this time of vulnerability is so important."
Would you elaborate on some of the things a husband can do (and things a wife can do herself) that will help her overcome her fears and surrender herself?
Also, many women want to be able to cry during a spanking but find it difficult to do so (probably for the reasons stated above). Although tears may not be the only indicator of surrender, do you have any insight or advice on how to reach that point of surrender?
Thank you.
Reply to this
The seminal issue is trust. Where there is no trust, there can only be frustration. In this regard, *domestic discipline* is more symptomatic than causal.
The following is an example from a marriage has nothing to do with *domestic discipline*. Yet, it serves to illustrate the problem.
Several decades ago, a wife said that, as a young bride, she resolved to never let her husband see her in a less than immaculate state of affairs. By the wife's own admission, the result was a grueling ritual.
Every morning she awoke early to put on makeup and dress her best. Likewise, every evening, she would get up after her husband went to sleep and remove her makeup. This went on for several years.
It all changed one night when their young daughter woke up screaming in the middle of the night. Without thinking, she got out of bed and rushed to their daughter's bedroom to see what was the matter. It turned out to be nothing that a little attention and comforting from her parents could not resolve within a few minutes.
As their daughter resumed her slumber, a wave of panic swept over the young mother. For the first time, she realized, her husband saw her without her makeup!
Before she could faint - more figuratively than literally - her husband swept her off her feet and carried her back to their bedroom. What followed was a rapture of lovemaking that she had never before experienced.
In the heat of passion she had to know why the sudden change in his behavior toward her. The husband replied that, before seeing her without her makeup, he had always been afraid to muss her hair or smear her lipstick.
After that, she said, she still tried to look quite presentable to her husband, but lost the compulsion to look like a department store mannequin!
In a related story, a internationally recognized former beauty queen's marriage fell apart. After the break up made headlines, one reason that her husband gave was that the raving beauty always had to look as if she were always on the runway or on stage before an audience. She could, quite literally, never let her hair down.
Then, that is often the problem with women in failed relationships. Too busy competing with men in the workplace these days to become women a home, they are not able to let their hair down. Far too many women must always prove that they are the equal of any man - even if that mean neutering their femininity.
A few decades ago, the above attitude gave us the infamous *supermom syndrome* - the woman who could do it all and have it all. It never worked out as predicted. Instead, trying to become a supermom (the ideal wife, exemplary mother, and perfect employee with an immaculate house on the side) burned out many women.
In reality, there simply are those times when a woman needs to cry. The questions are: When? Where? Why? With whom?
One of the surest ways to drive a woman insane is to let her stew in her own juices for too long!
When a man truly loves a woman, he will not let her emotionally marinate herself into oblivion. Instead, he will step in and break the downward spiral.
This is where understand the woman is important. While we often speak of "the straw that broke the camel's back," we fail to understand that there can also be the bag that broke the baggage cart's axle. To prevent this from happening, men sometimes need to tip a woman's emotional baggage cart rather than merely offloading a few items from the top of the heap.
There is no tried a true formula for so doing. It is more art than science. Yet, if a man is unable or unwilling to learn what needs to be done and when it needs to be done, the weight will eventually crush her spirit.
Seldom will a woman explicitly tell a man what he needs to do. Often, especially if she is younger, she is unsure herself. She is also more likely than a more experience wife to confuse *domestic discipline* with childhood punishment.
To further complicate matters, vast sums of money have been accumulated by convincing men and women that they cannot solve their own problems without *professional* help. Likewise, the feminist agenda has driven a wedge between men and women such they think they are from different planets!
Although not always the easiest, the simplest solution is to discuss the matter. If nothing else, the mere mention of spanking tends to spark discussion. It may even be the ultimate door to communication.
Many couple discover that figuring out what needs to be done is not nearly as difficult as summoning the courage to do it. Sometimes it takes a crisis.
A typical story involved a couple of newly weds renting a cottage from a older couple. Not surprisingly, the younger couple always seemed to arguing while the older couple always seemed to be getting along just fine.
One day the older man gave the younger man a paddle and a little fatherly advice. For a long time, nothing changed. The younger couple continued to argue.
Then, one day the young couple reached a critical juncture and decided to *test drive* the paddle. According to the then young wife, things were never the same thereafter.
For starters, she developed a new respect for her husband. In turn, he seemed to be more patient with her. In time, apparently to the absolute delight of the older couple, the young couple settled down as if they had been married *forever*!
*Domestic discipline* works best when seamlessly integrated into the relationship rather than stuck on as an awkward appendage. (That really is the problem with BDSM; it is a sideshow rather than something intrinsic.)
There is no magic to *domestic discipline*. Neither is there a perfect technique or an ideal implement.
Yet, despite the differences, couples do things very much alike and with amazingly similar outcomes. The ultimate surprise for many young couples is that it really does improve their marriage!
Reply to this
Tell me where in the bible the Lord tells husbands to SPANK their wives?
Who holds the man accountable when he is totally misbehaving.....
Reply to this
The answer to your first question may be found in my post about Sunday - On the Courthouse Steps. That post may be found in this blog.
The answer to your second question may be found in the Bible. Starting with Adam and Eve in the Garden, it is filled with relevant examples for your consideration.
Reply to this