An Insight into Spanking
In hindsight, one trouble with the Hollywood Hayes Code era was that onscreen spanking was treated in much the same way that firearms are handled today under Jack Valenti's Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) film rating system. In both cases there is an almost magic quality about the results achieve and a disregard of reality. Then, that is the nature of the entertainment industry.
On screen, the swat of a man's hand under the Hayes Code was able to penetrate a woman's dress and undergarments as if they were but a single sheet of tissue paper smartly struck by flat side of a wooden hairbrush. Difficulties arose because, in a society lacking meaningful coming of age rituals and relevant discussions thereto, this was often the only tutelage young men growing up in the late twentieth century had when it came to straightening out a badly behaved woman.
In real life, a man's hand is ill suited for spanking a grown woman - regardless of her clothing or lack thereof. It is not that adequate results cannot possibly be achieved with a man's hand. Rather, it is not the way to bet because, by nature, women expect to be conquered. It is one test of fitness for mating. Women not thus wired are more inclined to become promiscuous or, at the other extreme, too cold to replicate.
Until men become fathers with older daughters, they often fail to appreciate that the haughtiness of young women exists for their protection. Truly bad things happen when girls are deprived of this mechanism. No man in his right mind wants to see it happen before a woman's judgment of men sufficiently ripens.
Many times, marital stress results when a new wife refuses to let go of her girlish ways or insists on the illusion of absolute *equality* in marriage. Husbands used to know now to handle these situations.
An older woman once admitted slapping her new husband when, although admittedly quite gentle, he put his hand were the then quite young bride did not think a man ever had any business touching her. She realized the rules of the game had significantly changed when her husband rather calmly seized her hairbrush and acknowledged that what followed really was a much-needed application in a thoroughly appropriate place!
One of the great lessons that my wife taught me was that women expect men to know more than most young husbands understanding about *getting through* to a willful woman. The reality is that undisciplined women today tend to be presumptuous in behavior and disdainful in attitude, while men are abysmally ignorant when it comes to straightening them out. Rather obviously, as a consequence, society is littered with wrecked marriages and rampant gender antagonism.
Among the most common mistakes made by men intent on disciplining a woman is to put her body in pain without doing her mind any good. This is very much what Hayes Code era Hollywood put into it films.
While it is not uncommon for a woman in real life to examine herself in a mirror after a first serious spanking, thereafter, the examinations in which she engages involve more mental calculus than physical arithmetic.
From a woman's perspective after her initial experiences, spanking is *always* about her mind rather than her buttocks. This is, in fact, how women separate discipline - even punishment - from abuse.
Likewise, the seminal issue for a woman is cleansing rather than pain. A woman would rather be *spanked to death* than be tormented by unremitting guilt!
Forget diamonds, making a guilt-ridden wife feel clean again is among the most precious gives her husband can give in her hour of need. Inside and out, a woman wants to feel pure as the proverbial new-driven snow.
Spanking is much like cooking. To be sure, it is possible to cook with the gas jet wide open or the heating element on high. Doing so, however, greatly increases the chance of a less than satisfactory outcome than is usually achieved with less heat and more time.
When it comes to spanking, time is more important than force. While spankings need to *hurt* to be effective - and, despite what they say, women do expect a spanking to *hurt* - three wallops does not an effective spanking make. It merely shows the power of the man rather than his understanding of the woman.
In a woman's mind, time translates into caring. So does knowledge of how women view things.
It is not spanking to which women object so much as indifference and infidelity. Those are two slights that women will take personally. A woman needs to know that she can count on a man to be there for her - even when she *needs her backside spanked*!
Despite the current spate of politically correct propaganda, women not only need to be spanked, but have it administered with an implement to their upturned bare buttocks. All but the most egocentric women know that there are those times when they need to be bent over and straightened out. Women in more satisfactory marriages find men able and willing to do the necessary when the need arises.
Ask a woman in love why she lays on a man's lap and, quite likely, her reason will be superficial. Yet, deep in her psyche, there is a drive to position herself to submit once she has found the *right* man for her.
On one level, it means that she is comfortable with her choice. On another, especially for a young woman, the subtle positioning has more profound implications.
Although largely emanating from the subconscious, it is perhaps the strongest signal that a woman can send that she trusts the man to do what needs to be done when it needs to be done. The urge can be so strong as to appear in a semi-public setting.
In time, if a man fails to fulfill that primal need, the woman will come to despise him for his weakness. Find a woman belittling her husband, and you have found a woman whose deeper needs have not been met.
Wise men do not spank to achieve their own ends. Rather they do so for the benefit of the woman and their marriage together. Moreover, they take the time necessary to thoroughly accomplish the deed. Women thus handled will love and respect the man. Her marriage will last.
I was informed of your site by a friend after talking to them about True Bible Marriages, and they told me that this was simply BDSM play and only done for sexual purposes. Is this true? I ask because I am interested in the lifestyle if it's truly for Christian purposes. My friend even said it wasn't even needed that people be Christian to join in on the lifestyle. Could you please explain to me the difference between this lifestyle and BDSM?
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One thing obvious: School is out and the future feminists of America are doing what they do best - mindlessly *agitate, agitate, agitate!* Then, that is not new. For the past hundred and fifty years, feminists have been a rock in the social shoe. They are one of the reasons that a new pair of shoes - ones without a protected rock embedded in side - would feel good!
The above query differs from the rest in that it asks a legitimate question. How does BDSM differ from *domestic discipline*?
The short answer is that BDSM is an end within itself. The focus is on the action. It exists for purely temporal ends.
Conversely, *domestic discipline* is a means to and end. It exists to promote longevity in marriage through bonding. In fact, that is its principal threat to feminism.
The truth is that feminists would hate anything that brought a man and a woman closer together in natural harmony. If raking leaves in the fall of the year brought men and women closer together, feminists would find some objection to rakes and piles of leaves.
They might claim that rakes injured the grass or that piles of leaves constituted an unhealthy breeding ground for dangerous insects. There could even be talk of the pain and suffering cause by blisters to the hand and the possibility of infection! Although the specifics might vary, the intent would remain the same - to drive men and women into an unholy and destructive antagonism.
Feminists hate solid marriages. A century and a half ago, they compared marriage to slavery. Much of that ideology flavors twenty-first century feminist rhetoric.
More recently, they tried to substitute *the single lifestyle* and *gay marriage* as acceptable substitutes for the real thing. Both proved abysmal failures.
As Canadians are discovering with their grand social engineering experiment, homosexuals have no intention of getting married. They only want to destroy the existing institution - never mind that it is the building block of society! The destructive in impact of feminism on families can be accurately described as slow-motion terrorism.
The destructive compulsion explains why, at the first sign of domestic difficulty during the latter twentieth century, the strategy was to get the man out of the house, leave any children with the woman, and then dictate the politically correct way that they were to be raised while the man financed the crazy scheme. Otherwise, feminist-dominated child welfare agencies would remove the children and place them into the foster care system - yet another failed feminist concoction that shuffled children from pillar to post so that they would never bond with anyone! The whole idea was so loony that, statistically, the outcome in a child's life was not that different from kicking the child around as if he or she were a stray dog!
By nature, as a reaction rather than a viable philosophy, feminism builds nothing. It only tears down that which exists and offers hollow promises that it is incapable of fulfilling.
Twenty-first century feminists comparing *domestic discipline* to BDSM is little more than trying to update the antiquated comparison of marriage to slavery. The false representation of *domestic discipline* as a form of BDSM only makes sense in absence of a stable home environment. These days, that includes much of youth subjected to politically correct education.
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You have to be kidding! God commands us to love our wives, not to be the disciplinary rulers in their life. Those people that believe that spanking is an appropriate way to deal with their wives have not read the Bible in its context. It repulses me that such comments are made on a Fundamentalist Christian Website. It is sites like this one that give Godly Christianity a bad name! For those of you that hold to the teachings of this "noone", I have but one admonition for you! Where in the Bible does it say that "Husbands are to discipline their wives". Let me tell you what God says about loving our wives. "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." The next verse in Ephesians Chapter 5 tells us the reason why we are to love our wives in this manner. "That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the "WORD", that He might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing: but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:" There would be those of you, I am sure, that would take this passage and would draw the application that Christ punishes and chastens us, therefore we are to punish and chasten our wives as Christ chastens us. There is a primary difference between the husband and Christ. Christ is sinless, and I have yet to meet a husband that is sinless, including myself. The duty of the wife is to be submissive. The wife is not subservient to the husband, but stands alongside the husband as his "Helpmeet". Thank God that I have a wife that is the perfect helpmeet, and compliment to my life and ministry in God's service.
Those men that would "spank" their wives and discipline them in this fashion have no understanding or comprehension of the beautiful picture that God has placed in marriage. It repulses me to even think that there are men that call themselves Christians that are so bigotted, selfish, highminded, and absolutely ungodly as to pervert the wonderful institution of marriage into some abusive, overlording relationship.
I would hope that you would have the character and fortitude to post this rebuttal to your teachings. However, most people that are faced with opposition to their points of view tend to ignore and censure such opposition. May God continue to work on your heart and teach you the "whole counsel of the Word of God."
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You are absolutely right. The Bible neither explicitly commands husbands to *beat* their wives. Nor, by the way, does it forbid it.
Several years ago, I pointed this out in a posting on another website. The title was It Ain't in the Bible.
Nevertheless, the Bible ways quite clearly states that undisciplined women are the bane of mankind. Examples may be found in Proverbs 21:9 and 30:23.
Moreover, the same Bible that tells husbands to love their wives also commands wives to obey their husbands. That little sentence is absent in most wedding vows these days.
Given the above, as well as the *modern* state of families, which is worse - a spanked wife or chronic strife in marriage on the verge of acrimonious divorce?
The ultimate cruelty in marriage is not spanking. It is indifference.
In time, women come to despise weak and apathetic men. In the end, for unbelievers, the issue is not religious fundamentalism. It is biology.
Women still chose men for the same reasons their maternal ancestors chose their mates. It is about survival, not only of the self but also of the species.
Men may pass laws. Yet, all the kings and legislatures in history have not been able to repeal a single law of nature. It is with good reason that there has never been a dominate matriarchal culture in all of recorded history.Reply to this
I have never been married, but God is leading me in this direction. When I began reading about CDD, I will admit that I was appalled at first. I was looking for a warm, fuzzy marriage -- spanking was definitely not part of the picture I had in mind!
But something resonated deep down as I kept reading. And I realized that, to gain and keep that "warm, fuzzy" kind of marriage I was looking for, this could really work! I no longer needed to worry that I might marry a man and henpeck him to death or let my emotions spiral out of control and do irreparable damage to the relationship. There would be boundaries and consequences to make me feel "safe" -- and most certainly loved!
Something else really interesting happened, too. As I began to reread the Scriptures regarding marriage, (especially the one about wives obeying their husbands), these passages that had little meaning before started to become crystal clear. They just made sense. I guess it's really hard for a man to understand how a woman's heart works, but that's the way God created us, and so when we're in that mindset, it feels right.
I guess I don't feel that all marriages need this in order to work -- it sounds like you have a wonderful loving marriage and I certainly wouldn't mess with it if it's within the bounds of Scripture and things are going well for you! I suppose ideally, there would be no need for discipline in a marriage, but last time I checked all the wives I knew were still sinners, and some of them need the more "concrete" kind of discipline that this provides.
Perhaps you would find it helpful to join a CDD forum and get a chance to hear from real couples who are experiencing stronger, happier marriages because of CDD. It may not be what your marriage needs, but it sure seems to be the right thing for an awful lot of godly men and women who have struggled in the past.
I can tell from your post that your heart is in the right place -- that you truly care about women and don't want to see them abused or harmed by unloving or ungodly husbands. I guess all I would ask is that you not speak too soon. There are many of us out here who truly want and need such a relationship, and I would be saddened to think that anyone would be discouraged from reading further because of one man's comments. I am certain you do not mean to be a stumbling block to any Christian; I am not trying to pass judgment at all.
I would encourage you to take a deeper look, read what others have said about the Scripture passages to which you refer, and see whether God brings new insight.
As I have grown in the Lord, I have learned that God does not have a cookie-cutter approach to discipline. He treats each of His children specially, and each receives just the right form of discipline to help him/her grow. This path may not be the right one for you, but is it not possible that this is the way God has chosen for others?
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Submission (Part 1)
I find it very interesting that you draw the words odious and brawling to mean undisciplined. In my study of the Scripture, I would classify those two words as a woman that is not submitted to her husband.
I think the basis of our argument is the lack of understanding of what submission really means. Let me take some time to try and explain Biblical submission.
Submit - to yield oneself to the authority or will of another. "Webster's Collegiate Dictionary" Each of us, women included, have the responsibility to sumbit ourselves to the Lord Jesus Christ; to yield ourselves to His will and what He wants to accomplish through our lives. In the eyes of God, our submission or yielding is not an option. It is required. However, God allows us to decide for ourselves whether we will submit or rule our own lives. Many times he does not force us to do His will. Likewise, many times God does not chasten us when we do not do His will. However, the fact does not change that He expects submission and waits for our submission.
The same is true in marriage. The Biblical duty of the husband is to lead and guide his family. He is ultimately the one that is held accountable of what happens in his home and how his family is raised. The husband has the responsibility to insure that he is leading his family by God's Word and the principles that are contained in God's Word. The Biblical responsibility of the wife is to submit or yield herself to the leading of her husband. Her responsibility is to be the one that helps institute the desires and wishes of the husband in the home. She is most often the caretaker of the day to day chores, as well as key in the reinforcing of the Biblical truths that are taught by the husband. It is this relationship that is the cause of the moral decay of our Christian homes; as well as the homes of our nation. Whether the failure is from the husband who does not seek God's wisdom and guidance, or the wife's lack of godly submission to the leading of the husband; both are equally detrimental to the home. The husband is to expect submission from the wife. Ephesians 5 is clear about this teaching. However, husbands have the responsibility to be the right type of leaders in their home.
Submission is not a relationship of discipline, but one of love. As we are to submit to God because of his love for us, the wife is to submit to the husband because of the husband's love for the wife. The husband does not have the mandate or the responsibility from God to insure that the wife is submissive. That responsibility is left to God. Submission is a heart attitude, not merely an outward action.
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Ron wrote: "I find it very interesting that you draw the words odious and brawling to mean undisciplined. In my study of the Scripture, I would classify those two words as a woman that is not submitted to her husband."
I would agree. Let us consider the two verses that I referenced in my original reply.
Proverbs 21:9 says in part: "It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house."
In a brief biblical listing of things with which "the earth is disquieted . . . which it cannot bear," Proverbs 30:23 says that one is an "odious woman when she is married." Among the synonyms for "odious" are hateful, insufferable, evil, unpleasant, nasty - but not sweet, pleasant, or delightful to be around.
In Ron's biblical exegesis, any man married to a quarrelsome or fight-prone woman would live on the roof - even when the Bible says these women disturb the whole earth. Apparently, in Ron's world, men are helpless.
An interesting parallel may be drawn to a biblical reference in a previous post in which, citing Ephesians 5:29, Ron points out that "no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it...." Quite interestingly, research into the healing process pointed out that even low level marital conflict inhibited the healing process in men! Although not yet scientifically proven, it is feasible that future research will confirm that chronic marital stress is a significant contributor to debilitating and deadly diseases!
Hence, manifest reduction, if not eradication, of marital conflict is probably a good idea if a man is interesting in keeping the mind and body healthy. At the same time, as I have repeatedly pointed out, the important little numbers that tests generated during the course of my wife's complete annual physical consistently come back in the normal range! My wife admits that getting spanked reduces her stress as it clears her mind and rids her of any accumulated guilt.
Moreover, Ron goes on to first point out: "The Biblical duty of the husband is to lead and guide his family. He is ultimately the one that is held accountable of what happens in his home and how his family is raised."
Yet, he claims in the next paragraph: "The husband does not have the mandate or the responsibility from God to insure that the wife is submissive." Supposedly, that is the woman's choice.
So, then, we are to assume that in the gospel according to Ron, husbands are "held accountable [for] what happens in his home" but they do not have the "responsibility" for making their wives "submissive". That is truly an interesting conundrum for it turns the traditional head of the house into a de facto slave.
The above gives rise to questioning whatever happened to "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh (Mark 10:7-8)" as well as "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh (Ephesians 5:31)"? The answer in a word is *feminism* - the demand for absolute gender equity at any cost.
Relatively few people that one of the principal authors of feminist ideology was a nineteenth century liberal female preacher named Lucretia Mott. She came from branch of quasi-universalism (in which everyone goes to heaven) that placed personal experience over sound biblical theology.
Although personally opposed to divorce, Mott conspired with those who wanted women to be able to divorce and retain custody of any children. This disaster of social engineering is responsible for much of the mess in which society finds itself today.
Feminists and their apologists have no interest in marriage. Their only interest is in *politically correct* roommate relationships that can be dissolved on a whim. This, by the way, is precisely the practice to which Jesus objected when divorce was the provence of men.
In the world of feminism, marriage and cohabitation are essentially the same. At the same time, because one of the principal components of feminism is lesbianism, there is no any difference between homosexual or heterosexual relationships.
Feminists and their apologists will avoid answering the question of whether spanked wives are worse for society than divorce because they know the statistics are against them. Children brought up in single parent families headed by women are several times more likely to lead thoroughly dysfunctional lives than children raised by their still-married parents.
Ron further writes: "It is interesting that God encourages through a number of Scripture the concept of spanking as a reinforcement in the teaching of children. It would seem to me, that if God intended for the same type of relationship to be for the husband/wife, that there would be a myriad of verses both supporting and encouraging this topic."
One of the problems with moderns have with ancient text is loss of context. To use an example dealing with another point of disputation, nowhere does the Bible advocate abolition. Leviticus 25:44-46, Exodus 21:2-11, Luke 12:47-48, Ephesians 6:5, Colossians 4:1, and I Timothy 6:1-2 are among frequently cited passages that seem to advocate slavery.
On top of the verses listed above, Paul wrote the book of Philemon as a private letter asking him to forgive the runaway salve Onesimus. The apostle neither condemned slavery nor did put Onesimus on the *underground railroad* of the day and tell Philemon to repent!
The *spare the rod* passages to which Ron refers were probably written explaining that corporal punishment of children should not be confused with spanking in ancient coming of age rituals that, by the way, are still part of some pagan celebrations. In particular, if one reads between the lines of those verses, spanking was not to be exclusively confined to girls and it was to be serious enough for the child to know that the parent mean business!
Furthermore, since *domestic discipline* is practiced by non-Christians as well a believers, it likely predates the Judeo-Christian tradition. Unlike pagan fertility rituals, *domestic discipline* within the context of family was not something that was controversial in the days during which the Bible was written.
The real problem with Ron's interpretations that - if taken to its logical conclusion - a recalcitrant wife is free to spank her children for actions that she models daily! Several years ago, a wife and mother pointed out that if she held her children accountable for their behavior, she expected her husband to hold her accountable. After all, she concluded, she should know much better than her children how to behave!
Feminists and their apologists have a problem with spanking because there is no *magic age* beyond which bad behavior in females cannot be curbed by a sound spanking of the bared buttocks. This reality runs counter to the politically correct illusion of absolute gender equality. Thus, the *war on spanking* - especially *wife spanking*!
Yet, as women in *domestic discipline* relationships are quite aware, spanking greatly reduces a woman's tension. It can also alleviate depression and level mood swings.
Thus, wives are often the ones who first suggest spanking or look for men unafraid to spank! They realize that love is not a one dimensional sugary syrup. Rather, it involves doing what is best for them as well as preserving the relationship.Reply to this
Noone,
thank you kindly for your remarks. It is a blessing from the Lord that women have only to submit for punishment by their husbands. My wife, Christina, for instance, often forgets my rules pf behavior and deportment. Especially she is disobedient with her choice of clothes. I find that when i punish her, she accepts and is more obedient to me. As is said, the punishment must be painful to properly instruct her obedience to her husband.
Thanks again I enjoy your articles.
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I am not a big believer in rules. By the same token, I have found it much more beneficial to offer a helping hand with household chores than to raise my hand over them.
A part from straightening out our marriage several decades ago, I tend to use spanking as a catharsis. At the same time, I firmly believe that men were intended to spank women. Both physically and psychologically, women were designed to allow them to do so. It is one of those mysteries described in Proverb 30:19.
At the same time, spanking will minimize the problems of the "foolish woman" described in Proverbs 14:1 as well as those of the "hateful woman" in Proverbs 30:23. Left to their own devices, women are inclined to drift into either predicament. The results of this disaster are all around us.Reply to this
Hello dear believers - I am a believer myself -
Can someone tell me what is the solution advised a wife regarding a husband who is not behaving well? All I have read on this site makes me think that there ia an assumption here, that all Christian husbands accepting this kind of marriage behave well in their marriage, their judgements are fair by default etc.
Thank you for your time and GOD bless every believer who is looking for the right ways..
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1Peter 3:1-5:
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if ANY OBEY NOT THE WORD, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear, whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
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Buttocks were made for spanking, primarily. There must be a reason. Humans make dangerous mistakes, in acts and in judgment. When young, they need to feel the consequences of their wrong acts and judgments. I am against all harmful discipline: punching, verbally debasing, and annoying in any way. But a sound spanking on willingly uplifted naked behind may send the right message without any harm. This is how humans are made.
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Having first spanked my future wife when she was a teenager and having been a parent, I am inclined to agree with the proposition. At the same time, having been at this a while, a different dimension emerges as time passes.
Spanking is more a release mechanism than punitive exercise. It has been described as being the equivalent of rebooting a computer when the machine locks up. As the registers clear, normal functioning returns.
In an age of politically correct propaganda, we tend to forget that *may you marry a man who beats you* was not always a curse. Rather it was a benediction that wished freedom from the mental torment that an ignored woman is often inclined to inflict upon herself as well as on those around her.Reply to this
I've been reading about CDD for several months, but I've thought about it for most of my life. I just thought I was "weird" and the "only" woman who longed for a return to the "old days" where men weren't afraid to actively lead their wives. About three weeks ago, I finally got up the courage to tell my husband that I wanted him to be Head of the Home and to help me overcome some character faults (especially yelling at him and the children when I get stressed). It did not go well. He thinks "spanking" is the same thing as abusive "beating" and that it has no place in a Christian marriage. He's called me "wacko" and "weird" and said that I'm "too intelligent" for that sort of lifestyle. Now I feel embarrassed, depressed, and like something is wrong with me. Any ideas how to convince him that this could be a good thing for our marriage, or should I just drop the subject? Thanks.
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Somewhere in a woman's life there is a trigger mechanism. When it snaps, she *discovers* that spanking is not just for children.
At the same time, she is inclined to think that she is *the only one* to *feel that way*. For years - while she was growing up - she thought that she was the only girl to realize that she really was not getting *too old* to spank.
What has changed is the domestication of men. Only children raised by single mothers and molded by feminist-dominated public education no longer get the exposure to spanked older females they once received. Many times, they do not even realize that it is possible - much less desirable for marital stability as well as the sanity of both parties.
Spanking a woman bare buttocks does not so much beat her down as settle her down. Once her feet are off the floor and her bare buttocks are up in the air, a woman's whole demeanor changes.
Marriages made in heaven still require maintenance on earth. Put another way, good marriages do not happen by accident.
Nor, is *domestic discipline* a lifestyle. Rather it is an effective means of problem solving within a marriage. Privately. *wife spanking* - as it used to be called - is advocated by some highly educated woman.
The problems that many men and women have is not that dissimilar to that of Naaman when the prophet Elisha told the Syrian captain to: "Go and wash in Jordan seven times, and thy flesh shall come again to thee, and thou shalt be clean."
It was not an answer that Naaman wanted to hear. Nor, did he particularly like being snubbed by some religious weirdo from a second rate military power.
Naaman left in a huff. He wanted a miracle cure. Besides, the Jordan was not reputed to be among the cleanest of rivers!
The same attitude exits with spanking. Too many people thing that such barbarism is beneath them.
The truth is that no one knows if a husband spanks his wife, but everyone knows if a man has a bad marriage. Without saying a word, a man's wife will tell the world everything it needs to know about her husband.
One of my wife's brothers felt that way. His university-educated wife physically and violently attacking him rewarded him. She then used his forgiveness to play games with his visitation rights.
The moral of the story is that a wife will come to despise her husband for his weakness if he fails to give her what she needs in a timely fashion. This is a message that men really need to hear.
After the nasty divorce of her son, my mother-in-law - once an outspoken critic of spanking, especially of girls *after a certain age* - finally realized, it is much better to straighten out a marriage privately in the bedroom than it is to publicly dissolve in the in the court room!
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I too thought I was weird. I really enjoy reading this and I so would want to have this type of marriage. You are very educated on this subject, and I myself feel exactly as you have said. I am in a marriage that is not an cdd one, but I crave it, for my emotional release and security. I think this would be the answer to a lot of marriages, if women would stand up for what they really want and not be to embarrassed or afraid to "come out " to their family and friends. My husband is not into this either, and it is because of worldly views on this topic. I too am in confusion on how to guide him into guideing me. Thank you for your posts. God Bless You.
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My heart goes out to Alexandra. Over the past 18 or so years I have heard from many many wives who have had the same type of experience. Know that you are not alone, and that with time, calm conversation things can change.
Women like you who have come to know more about themselves, and who really care about their children, husbands and marriage, and often at the core, want to honor rather than dishonor God with their poor behavior often really embrace the promise of DD with a deep determiniation and hope.
My recommendation is to be patient. Write your dear husband letters. Print articles for him to read when he has some quiet time. And, most importantly, show him honor and submissivness in other areas. Ususally in time a husband, with God's grace will come to see that there are benefits for his wife and family that are very real, even if he doesn't fully understand why or how. Then, be sure to continue to submit to him, even if (when) things do not turn out just as you hoped or dreamed they would. This takes lots of time.
My wife and I have been married for 33 years. She has several graduate degrees from a couple of the most famous schools in the country, and taught at one of the very finest. When we discovered about how beneficial a good spanking was for her about 20 years ago, it was a surprise to us. That was before internet, and we just discovered it on our own. Our Love and union has grown so very much. There is so much more peace in our home. Our children are proud of their mother now. She knows and feels my love in a deeper and more profound way because of my willingness to be there for her as her caring strong husband. There is more security and communication. We are just simply much more happy.
Peace to you and yours.
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I agree with CDD, it works very well for our marriage. In fact, I brought it to my husband. I had never read about it in an entirely 'Christian' based way, but I read about it nonetheless. Christian or not, it works. Whether you do it for the good of the Lord, or just plain for the good of your marriage, it really can work. As long as you both have an understanding of/for it, and of/for eachother and eachothers deepest needs and desires.
Spanking is like therapy, it really is. If done right, you can feel great for days.. better than the best orgasm [sorry to be so explicit, but its true.]
I am a Christian woman, and I do believe in ANY marriage the key word is 'consent'.
I do not believe that a spanking should be administered to a wife unless her whole hearted consent has been given.
Spanking your wife, whether she is christian or not, without her consent can ruin your marriage faster than not spanking her at all.
Domestic Discipline should not be forced upon anyone, the same as religion.
If you want to help someone, you have to solely lead by example.
And before a man can truly discipline his wife, he needs to be the prime example of what she needs to be. [as far as morals and standards go].
I don't think that any man has the right to pass judgement or chastise a woman, unless he himself follows the rules he sets for her.
If he goes out and does the things he is punishing her for, then that is simply hypocritical [unless, of course, she asks for the punishment herself to rid herself of the guilt.]
Overall, though, domestic discipline CAN and DOES work.
It brings spice into your life, even though that is not the motive, and it DOES give you that warm and fuzzy feeling.
God Bless.
-Naomi
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Hi Naomi,
I read over your message, which I agree totally, in respect that both parties have to consent to the arrangement, especially if this type of relationship is going to be successful.
However, being new to the idea of cdd (I haven't discussed it with my husband yet), I was wondering if you could elaborate on the "therapy" part of getting spanked. I don't mean any disrespect, I guess, I just can't get past the part were it would hurt. In one of my messages, I asked if getting spanked releases some kind of calming hormone? I read an article about a russian doctor that administers spankings for depression and other aliments. So I was wondering when you say it is therapeutic, you maybe experiencing the same affects. And how hard does the spanking have to be, to get this affect? Thank you, I'm trying to find my place, and any advice would help. God Bless. dj
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I have to say, I've spent many days over the past few weeks researching this topic "Christian domestic discipline", and I've come to realization that I am a perfect candidate for such reform. I have been married for over 10 years, and entered this marriage with the belief that no man was going to tell me what to do and control my life-lol, like that's going to happen without a fight. And what a fight it has been. There's a long story behind my attitude; anyway, This attitude over time has broken down our marriage and my respect for him(for al-lowing this type of behavior). To make a long story shorter, we are pretty much room mates sharing the same bed, and I blame myself for the brake down in our marriage-if I had only followed the teachings of the Bible. I believe very strongly in prayer, and that the lord will answer your prayers,but it is up to you to accept his answer. I believe it was through prayer that brought to this topic. However, I would hope there is another alternative to spanking, that would have the same impact. The thought of being spanked scares the heck out of me. Being spanked as a child left emotional and physical scares that have not yet subsided, and I'm afraid it would do more damage to our relationship. I have know doubt that my husband would entertain the idea of spanking me-he's threatened me for years to do so. I would be open for any advise on how to over come these fears or other alternatives for correcting my attitude. I know this is something I must do for myself, husband, and children. Blessed but unappreciative
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It is possible to break this cycle by simply giving your husband respect. There is a cycle that needs to be present in every marriage to make it work. If the husband loves his wife she will naturally respect him and if she respects him, he will naturally love her. Now if you have the opposite going on, it only takes one to break the cycle and it could be you! Also, I can identify with emotional scars from childhood- it's because the way it was done, wasn't always God's way. You don't want dd in your marriage unless it's God's way, or you will end up with more scars as you fear. I hope this helps and my heart goes out to you!
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carefreejoy,
Thank you for your response, I will take your advice and apply it. Yes, my husband does respect me, more than I deserve. I often feel he could have done so much better than what I have offered. I honestly believe a lot of this, so called disrespect for him, stems back to childhood experience. As much a I try to put it behind me, I can't. Especially, with the birth of my last son, who is a splitting image of my father, attitude and all.
This could be the Lords plan, to get me to face my demons, so I can move on to a more spiritual role in life.
Does a spanking release stress producing hormones? The reason I ask, I read something about it in an article by a russian scientist, Sergei Speransky. And who does it benefit the spanker or spankee? Those of you that are interested, you can read more on this topic at www.spankingneeds.com
Thanks again. dj
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Hi dj, It's me again! I read over your post again and it just hit me! I am sure this is your problem, but if it isn't please forgive me and don't let it bother you, okay? When my husband and I went through counselling we were taught that if the wife has bitterness toward her father, she will not be able to respond correctly to her husband. I strongly believe that if you ask God to help you forgive your father- and it may be a process- and ask Him to heal the pain, you will be amazed at what that does for your relationship with your husband. I dont' have all the answers, believe me I have many problems of my own, but if this helps you, I would be delighted. blessings!
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Hi Carefreejoy,
First, I would like to appologize for my rudeness, I didn't realize I had a reply from you. I was notified by email on the first response, this time I wasn't, sorry.
Secondly, you hit the nail square on the head, yes, I had deep bitterness toward my father(I have a hard time even giving him the title,father), and yes I can see how it has affected my relationship with my husband.Especially intimately and on a respect level.
I went into every relationship I had with the expectation that I would look for qualities unlike my dads. I never let my guard down, they knew up front that I was in charge and if they ever tried raising a hand to me, well you know what I mean? I met my husband (god sent) and he unknowningly, changed my perspective on men. I was able to see the damage that was done to me and I tried to face them and not let them control me for the most part. In the process, my shield, and the need to protect myself, got thicker and thicker to the point that I was or, is angry and bitter 80% of the time, but didn't know why. You are probably thinking, Why didn't you ask the Lord to guide you? Well, in my small spiritual mind, I was upset that he allowed such things to happen to me and my family, and the fact that he is a "he", not much respect for "he's". I have to say I've grown a great deal since then. I have ask the Lord for guidence, understand-ing, and strength. I hope it isn't to late.
I believe I've been guided to this site for a reason or two. I do want to live my marriage according to God's plan, I just don't think it is going to be easy for me. I have never been submissive, or at least not knowingly to my husband-I now know, that has been my biggest problem. The more I learn about cdd, the more I want to live by it, I just don't know about the spanking thing. I'm sure my husband would jump on the idea of punishing my butt-I've had it coming for years. I would settle for him just standing up to me, putting me in my place every once and a while. I'm thinking that is what I have wanted all a long.
Anyway, I thank you for your blessings and advice, it is comforting knowing there is someone out there that understands, I'm so sorry that you experienced a similiar situation, I don't wish this on anyone.
Take care, dj
ps. no forgiveness needed, you have inspired me-
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Hi dj, I am going through some healing processes right now as well, and can identify with how you feel. God takes one layer off of the onion at a time. I know I am being healed because of the intense pain I feel at times. Also the other night I had a dream reliving the way I was treated years ago. I don't have dreams very often at all and when I do they are almost never about the past. I woke up with that tingly-all-over feeling like you have when you wake up from a nightmare. I know this was God showing me (my husband agrees to this) what He was healing me from, because I asked Him to show me. Our children do bring out our stuff sometimes! I read something recently in a book by Stormie Omartian called A Book of Prayer. It said something about Lord, help me to be content with where you have me right now, and help me remember that you will not keep me here forever. Help me to realize that any feelings of loneliness and discontentment are a sign that I need more of you. I just felt that was perfect for my situation and I hope it does you as well!
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Hi again,
I wanted to respond by saying that I hope the healing process is successful, it sounds like it is and it sounds like you have a wonderful husband that supports you. Carefreejoy, this might be a little personal, don't answer if you don't feel comfortable with it. I was curious, does your husband know about your situation with your father or the person that has caused you pain in the past?
I have yet to give my husband details, he knows my childhood wasn't always pleasant but not to what extent. I've been wanting to tell him, but don't feel close enough to him yet. I'm hoping with the submission process that one day I can. Like I said before, my youngest son,now 7, reminds me so much of my dad, so the reminder is always there. I probably, should get some professional advice? The funny thing is, I went through some postpartum issues after the birth of my first son, I'm sure there was some daddy issues involved, I was very insecure as a mother and I didn't know how I was going to raise a healthy boy. Anyway, the therapist I went to, after the third visit, said, all I needed was a "spanking" funny enough maybe she was right, but at the time I was utterly shocked and mortified that she would say such a thing, needless to say, I never went back.
I wanted to comment on your dream experience. It sounds like the tingly feeling you experienced could have been the holy ghost, protecting you from painful memories, as well as like you said, letting you know the healing is taking place. Had you talked about your past that day, before heading off to bed?
I loved your paraphrase, from the "A Book of Prayer"; it fits in my life perfectly, I'm going to look it up to read, I have several inspiration books that are soothing to the soul. If you are interested I can tell you a few good ones to read?
Thanks again for your caring thoughts, I have to say, this is so unlike me, to share such personal thoughts, I hope I haven't come across to bluntly or personally, the last thing I would ever want to do is offend anyone on this site. I come to enjoy reading and getting to know people with character. Thanks again.
Sincerely blessed, DJ
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I Have been reading everything I can on this subject and I feel like its so amazing how loving these families are. I am a single lady & have never met a man that would care that much. I was looking for a Christian website that may be a place for singles seeking this lifestyle but came up short. Nothing to be found anywhere. Any suggestions on meeting a christian man that is longing for loving his family this much?
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Hi Rainbow,
There are a couple of places you can look for CDD Singles. The CDD Forum that is associated with the website has a singles section and can be found at forum.christiandomesticdiscipline.com. We have had a couple of great romances come out of that section, including one very recent, ongoing one
There is also a Yahoo CDD Singles group that I have been told is very successful as well. It can be found at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ChristnSinglesDomDis/.
Sometimes the best thing to do is just join some of the CDD Forums (you can find a list on the CDD Website (www.christiandomeseticdiscipline.com) under the "links" section... www.christiandomesticdiscipline.com/links), and get to know some of the people there.
Most of all... pray, pray, pray... for the mate the Lord has for you. Most of us didn't start out with a CDD husband. We took CDD to our God-given husbands. (Or in some cases, the husband took it to his wife.) The most important thing is ending up with the mate the Lord made just for you.
Blessings,
Leah
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